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Word of the Week

Word of the Week: Private

And if your brother sins, go and reprove him in private; if he listens to you, you have won your brother. (Matthew 18:15)

In the New American Standard Version of Matthew 18:15, Jesus commands us to tell our brother about his sin in private. I mentioned on Sunday (June 17, 2018) about online attacks against church leaders in our denomination by various people, many of whom are likely members of our churches. The danger of the new graffiti surface called social media is that it is so easy to blast off against other people. I confess I have made this mistake a few times myself.

I’m going to talk about Jesus’ command in a minute. But I want to address a common excuse in social media circles. If a Christian leader puts his or her views in public (in a blog post, book, or magazine article), then their views have become a public rather than private matter. Since they have stated the view publicly, it can be critiqued and discussed publicly without the Matthew 18:15 warning coming into effect. There is a logic and symmetry to the argument - private sins are confronted privately, and public ones publicly. There is nothing in that logic that suggests any kind of critique is then allowed. If we attack a view of a leader and in doing so misstate his actual position, that’s not fair or being done in love. If we are harsh and inflammatory, that is not justified by the public nature of the leader’s views.

In the cases I mentioned Sunday, no effort was made to contact the leaders for clarification before bombing them with words. Most often this is the case - harsh critics ignore Jesus’ teaching while attacking their fellow believers. So, let me talk about talking in “private.”

Jesus’ command possesses great wisdom. A private meeting avoids the public shaming of a person. In the case where the leader has actually said something that was pretty bad, the effort can be made to “win your brother” and have him to publicly repent and recant his words. But what if you have misunderstood his words? The private meeting allows for questions and answers, and for nuances of meaning to be teased out. Additionally, there is so much communication that is nonverbal that adds a lot to a conversation. There is the tone of the voice, the volume and inflection, and the “body language” that tells us a lot. We can tell if the person is rethinking their position. As the conversation goes on, we can sense them grow defensive, or soften in their attitude. They can explore our attitudes as well and understand our point of view. The total avoidance of the private meeting means none of these possible positive outcomes will happen.

Jesus is wise, as well as Lord. Next time there is conflict, go meet in private. Allow plenty of time. Be gracious and warm. Invite the most positive, open discussion possible. If you see a friend say something publicly that angers you, go to them privately to discuss it. This is wise, godly and good!

Have a great week,

Don

Don Ward

Senior Pastor

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