Wouldn’t it be cool if someone made a movie trailer for your life? I wonder what material would be included in it. I think many of us would hope all our picture-perfect, proudest moments would make the cut. But when I think about what makes for a great movie or story, it’s actually not those moments themselves. It’s the adversity and struggle that precede them that really seal the deal for me. They make a plot worth telling and sharing.
When I take an honest look back on my experiences so far, yes, I have seen Jesus at work in the good but I’ve also really noticed Him at work in that adversity and struggle that make my story worth sharing.
We all have an ongoing story our lives are telling and the theme of mine so far seems to be sufficiency. I can trace questions and doubts about whether I’ve been enough or done enough throughout the different chapters of my life.
In grade school it primarily involved my performance in sports. I would try one, play it for a while, and then as I started to get good and expectations for my performance grew I would quit. It’s okay to fail at a sport when it’s brand new to you, but as time passes the risk of failure becomes much greater and the room for error much less. I think I could have gone on to play soccer, volleyball, or row in college if I’d given any of them a real shot. I let the performance reviews that followed each game and competition suck a lot of the fun out of the process.
In college it was all about striving to be enough for everybody else. I pretty much did anything around anyone to get their attention and approval which resulted in tons of relationships but losing part of myself in the process. If you looked up “people-pleaser” in the dictionary you’d see my picture there.
In my post-college years I’ve been trying to figure out whether I’m enough for me. Can I actually love myself and treat myself kindly being fully aware of my weaknesses and the things that feel unlovable to me? Am I able to sit in the presence of my difficult things and not work relentlessly to cover them up or get them to go away but instead seek to grow and learn from them? When I look in the mirror each morning do I truly believe that I am worth knowing and that I have my own unique voice and God-given gifts to share with the world?
I heard a quote from a movie that said, “We accept the love we think we deserve.” But what happens when we don’t just think we’re undeserving but we know for certain we’re undeserving? There’s not a single soul out there who actually deserved Jesus’ death and sacrifice on the Cross. I know I didn’t play or labor as hard as I could to earn it. I didn’t get a perfect performance review to merit it. I didn’t bend over backwards pleasing Him in order to gain His love and approval. I didn’t participate in hours of self-discovery work to gain the confidence and self-esteem needed to finally be the person Jesus was willing to die for. The truth is I never deserved it! That is why the sufficiency of Christ is an everyday promise I must come back to again and again. It was and is a gift – not just an average gift or a pretty good gift - but a 100% complete and perfect gift that had everything to do with who He is and what He’s done.
In grade school I was enough as I played and competed in different sports because of Jesus. He was enough for me on the great days when I played exceptionally well and won MVP, but He also was enough for me on my off days when I found myself sitting the bench.
In college I was enough because of Jesus even as I strived to keep the world happy with me and be the center of attention. His sufficiency stayed steady whether people were satisfied with me or not.
And I’m enough today as I seek to understand who I am and how to love that person I’m discovering because of Jesus. Whether I wake up feeling confident and happy with myself or I’m overwhelmed with my weaknesses and “flaws,” Jesus is enough.
I also know I’ll be okay in the years to come despite any adversity that awaits me because Jesus will continue to be enough. He’s never stopped and He never will. I don’t have to look to myself and rely on my own efforts to experience or earn it because His grace has been here all along.
There are two verses in the Bible that I revisit regularly – 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 which say, “’My grace is sufficient for you (Stacey), for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly of my weakness, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” I keep thinking when I come back these verses it’ll read, “My grace is sufficient for you (Stacey), for my power is made perfect in your own strength and ability.” But oh, how beautiful and refreshing that short phrase “perfect in weakness” continues to be for my soul!
What about you? Where in your life do you find yourself getting stuck in the performance trap? When are you tempted to strive to earn the sufficiency you already have in Christ? I wonder what it would look like for you to truly believe and live out of the place of sufficient grace and power, not because of your strength but because of His? How might God use you today to encourage and remind a friend or family member that they’re enough because of Jesus as they face a difficult circumstance or experience what feels like weakness or defeat?
On the mirror in my bathroom I’ve written this Paul Tripp quote – “Every day I preach some kind of gospel- a false ‘I can’t do this’ or the true ‘I have all I need in Christ.’” My prayer is that we’d all believe more and more each day that the latter is true.
In Him,
Stacey