Here is a truth about our children that is meant to be comforting:
Your children belong to Him before they belong to you. Treat them accordingly.
You are His before you belong to your children. Live accordingly.
Here is an observation about parenting from Scripture that may also be comforting:
In the kings of Israel and Judah we see patterns.
1) a bad king begets a bad king (Jeroboam begets Nadab)
2) a good king begets a good king (Asa begets Jehoshaphat)
These first two patterns make sense to us, but probably aren’t comforting.
But there are two more patterns.
3) a bad king begets a good king (Amon begets Josiah)
4) a good king begets a bad king (Jehoshaphat begets Jehoram)
These patterns take a little bit of the pressure off you as a parent.
The Bible also says in Philippians 2:13 that we should “work out your own salvation with fear and trembling because it is God who works in you, both to will and to work according for His good pleasure.”
How do all these things come together to help us do “parenting in faith” as the title of this blog says?
Here’s how. The simplest definition of faith is giving everything you know about yourself to everything you know about Jesus. We give ourselves daily to Jesus, and as we find out more about Him and more about ourselves we ultimately give more of us to more of Him.
Isn’t this what we want for our children too?
We want them to give everything they know about themselves to everything they know about Jesus. But we can’t make them do it. We can only model it for them. So with fear and trembling we do just that. God works this faith in us by the power of the Holy Spirit. He works in us as parents to will and to act according to His good pleasure. He does the same thing in our children (at whatever age) and he is pleased to use us in that.
So what should we do on a daily basis to parent in faith? Here are three things.
1. Look in the Mirror and Do Something About That Person
What do you want your kids to have? Someone once said you can't give away what you don't have, so take a look in the mirror. Then pray for grace to get to work on that person. This is actually more important than getting to work on your children. We often do this backwards. We end up functionally teaching our kids to “do as I say, not as I do” and think that God will bless that. Certainly He can, and He has done that in a few examples. But the right thing to do is to model faith for our children. Give everything you know about yourself to everything you know about Jesus, and do it where your kids can clearly see you doing it.
2. Love Them to Something Higher
Great teams come together when they work for something higher than themselves. If you’ve ever been on a team you’ve probably heard a speech that calls you to something higher. Rather than simply calling your children to something higher. I want to encourage you to love them to something higher. To illustrate let me tell you that I hate bad recordings of classical music that are supposedly “age-appropriate” for children. Mozart or Bach recorded on a weak electric keyboard does not move me. I don’t love it. My kids see the faces I make when I hear music like this. In the same way, they also see my face when I listen to some of the great recordings of Bach or Mozart. These I love. When you love something higher, you share that with others. Love your children to something higher as you share your faith with them.
3. Get a SOAP. Don’t Replace Yourself with a SOAP.
What’s a SOAP? It’s a Significant Other Adult Presence. For your child you are the God-appointed parent. As your child gets older you will want them to have interaction with people other than you since you aren’t the end of all things. Somewhere between you and Jesus exists a SOAP. It might be a coach, a teacher, a youth director, a relative, or a pastor. These people help bring out other facets of the diamond that is your child. They also bring out other facets of the diamond that is you. But don’t count on a SOAP to change your child. I loved my third grade teacher and also my middle school band director and my high school youth pastor. They all had huge impact on my life. At the end of the day though, I still resemble my parents (the good and the bad) more than anyone else.
Your children need SOAPs, but SOAPs ultimately can only give your child a nudge in the right direction. Ultimately they will resemble you. They will resemble either a redeemed or an unredeemed version of their parents.
So parent in faith giving everything you know about yourself to everything you know about Jesus. Do it in front of your children so they can get the best of the redeemed version of you, and put your hope in God, who works in you to will and to act according to His good pleasure in your parenting.