As mentioned, Caron and I did a marriage seminar last week at Tabernacle Presbyterian Church in Waynesboro. The talks we did are on their website here. I want to give you a taste of it in our GCC blog.
We mentioned last week the gap between our expectations of marriage and our experiences. At the conference we showed this video which both illustrates the gap, and shows how mercy can come into our lives.
We mentioned the importance of the mercy of Christ filling our hearts and then flooding out toward our spouse. I want to go a little deeper. A merciful marriage comes from a merciful heart. Consider these words:
Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.
(Eph. 4:31-5:2 ESV)
Before I discuss the attitudes here, I have to mention the two “halves” of Paul’s “Gospel”. Several of Paul’s letters have two halves - the indicatives (truth) and the imperatives (how we should live). Before Paul commands us to patience and love, he tells us about the love of God for us in the person and work of Jesus Christ. Before we can be tenderhearted and forgiving, we have to go back to the tender mercies of God in sending His Son for us. Renewing our faith in the gospel will help us live out the gospel in marriage.
Having said that, Paul instructs and commands us to be kind and tender hearted, forgiving one another as God forgave us. The motivation for the mercy we offer is the mercy we receive from Him. In marriage we can take some time to reflect, pray, and read over the work of Christ for us to help us live this out toward one another. Having been greatly forgiven, I move across the gap toward my mate in great forgiveness. Having been so greatly loved, I walk in love as Christ loved me.
We need a pattern and practice of renewing mercy regularly, and then practicing mercy towards our spouse. The Holy Spirit will give us power for this, and we will experience God’s pleasure with us as we mimic his merciful ways.
Jesus illustrates this very point in the parable of the two debtors (Matthew 18:22-35). He starts the parable by saying, "I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times” (Matt. 18:22 ESV). He is answering the question of how forgiving we need to be toward a sinning friend who comes to us seeking forgiveness. The contrast in the parable is between the big debtor and the King. The big debtor owes the national budget of a small country. The king takes pity on him and forgives the debt. Then the big debtor pursues repayment of a much smaller, but still significant personal debt. Unlike the king, he is unforgiving and unwilling to have mercy. The king rescinds his earlier merciful decree. Jesus warns us of being unforgiving.
In marriage, make it a practice of seeing yourself as the big debtor and God as the gracious forgiver. As you look at your spouse, realize that this is a great opportunity to live out the mercy you have experienced. Start living this way as much as possible, and see this merciful way becoming a lifestyle. Then you will taste of the joys of a merciful marriage.
In Him,
Don