Have you ever been in a race or competition? What was your goal for that race, was it to finish first? Was it to finish with your time in mind? Was it to simply finish at all? As I began writing, I found it difficult to define what my struggle with success was. As I thought back on the Charlottesville 10-miler I ran in 2011, I realized that my goal wasn’t just to finish - I didn’t want to be last. I don’t even mean the last person in the race (although I didn’t want to be there either), but I didn’t even want to be last in comparison to the people that I had trained with or were within my time group. I want to be sufficient; I want to be equal (or better) but definitely not worse than my peers.
So needless to say writing this post was difficult. I think it was difficult because as much as I hate to say it, I want it to be successful… I don’t want anyone to read this post and find me lacking. This realization caused me to question how this relates to success in a bigger sense - for me, and possibly you. We live in a society that compares; we want to do a good job, or even a great job. But to be last, that means you are inadequate and don’t fit into the status quo. So what do we do when we are lacking, when we are way behind our group or even last?
I would sprint, try to catch up, try to be good enough, and probably fail again because I’m clearly not able to keep up. I would easily become discouraged; maybe I would even give up and walk. Before the race is even done, I would decide I’m not going to ever race again, - at least, not with those people; they are just better than me. It’s hard to fail. It feels sad and lonely because at the heart of this particular race, the success has become more than the race, more than the run, and more than me.
So how does this relate to our hearts and success in other areas? Just like in the stories of Pilgrim’s Progress by John Bunyan, our journey with Jesus is full of difficult terrain, low valleys, high mountains, and dry places. Maybe you are successful and that is a good thing. You run the race and achieve the goals you have set. That’s great, wonderful even, but what happens when you don’t achieve a goal, or when achieving that goal isn’t enough? Do you get discouraged and stop or sprint trying to catch up? Or do you know that ultimately your success is not what defines your worth?
Because our worth and value are really what we are talking about here. When success or the goal becomes the thing we are really aching for, the thing that will define us, then we have made an idol out of something that will never fulfill us.
Doesn’t it sometimes feel like our worth is tied up in whatever goal we are working towards? It hits you when you are being rejected or losing money or whatever your success or failure looks like. We easily forget where our worth comes from. But we have to keep coming back to find our perfect success in Christ. That we cannot achieve heaven, not even a piece by ourselves. Jesus made the way for us to live a life that doesn’t have to be perfect. He successfully made success a non-issue. And yet we still often live as though we have to drudge our way through to make it to heaven on our own. We are covered in the blood of perfection, so do we repent or do we turn away in anger and frustration? I see both in my life. I see my heart get prideful and frustrated when I miss my mark and long to see my own success. I believe I can do this alone and achieve greatness at my own cost and risk. In contrast, I see Jesus successfully burning away the need to succeed in my own eyes by wanting and longing to draw closer to Him at any cost, even my own aims and goals.
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith. Because of the joy awaiting him, he endured the cross, disregarding its shame. Now he is seated in the place of honor beside God’s throne. -Hebrews 12:1-2
I know I am guilty of doing things my own way, for my own reasons and not for God’s glory. I have to lay down my heart’s desire to earn my way to Him and succeed even as a believer in God’s grace. So, where do you struggle with success? What are you holding as more important than God’s plans? Is it earning your way to Him, or buying the next car, or being friends with a certain group of people? Whatever it is, those things will not give you success, they will break your heart and keep you longing for the attainment of more things and more success. Only Jesus can bind up those broken places and fill our heart’s deepest longing.
In Him,
Cara